Dawn Mass

Photo Credits: Google images- www.clubbnb.com

As dawn painted the sky pitch dark,

Nine days prior Christmas, they mark

Wake up before the sun is high

Pitch dark, the dawn colored the sky

When cock crows cock-a-doodle-doo

Though feel sleepy in morning dew

Tic-tac, 3 a.m., the clock draws

Cock-a-doodle-doo, when cock crows

Everyone is getting ready

Heading to the church so early

Though breeze blew cold and makes bone chills

Getting ready, everyone is

Young may time be, streets are busy

Smell of rice cakes makes you hungry

Outside the cathedral you’ll see

Streets are busy, young may time be

Attend mass, keep spirit alive

People of different walks of life

To hear gospel they never pass

Keep spirit alive, attend mass

A little sacrifice, they say

O’ grant our wishes, God we pray

Complete nine rites, receive good prize

They say: “a little sacrifice”

This tradition never weakens

Hope to believers it brightens

For Christ this faithful devotion

Never weakens, this tradition

©copyrighted by Jelyn Piad (Jhelchemy) 2014 

Journal 01: The Fall

Photo credits from Zedge Wallpapers

What would I feel? Knowing this sad fact, I can’t even cry. The feeling I can’t even explain. It’s plain. Maybe the truth that unfolds has not sunk in my system yet. Delayed reaction? Yes, I presume. Maybe by the next 2 hrs or 4 hours it might drown my emotions. Guess I've been numbed. I was sedated by my own nerves so as not to feel the foreseen pain. This time again, I fall. Fell into the deep. This was the truth. The regrettable truth. The truth that arrive in a surprisingly unsurprisingly way. Here I am again facing the fall. The truth of the matter is I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what and how to react. Who to blame? There’s no one but I. 

On this journey, I was alone. I courageously took the change of route by myself. To prove I have something more to give myself. I have dreamed. A dream so big that hearten me to take chances and embrace changes. “When you want something, the entire universe conspires in helping you to achieve It”, they say so, and I so much believe in that. I so much anticipate that. The world will conspire but why did they left me? But I guess my fate doesn't favor me. I tried to reach it, I took the risk, and I waited and prayed a lot. I sacrifice everything for this, the time, effort, every ounce of little things I could offer… just for this? 

Now I’m starting to question, am I wrong? Am I bad? How come everything has fallen apart? How come this happen, when I only chase what I think is right and I thought to be a right path for me? But still I can’t cry. I feel the heaviness in my heart but it was stoned. My mind overwhelmed that it couldn't think. Guess my body is protecting me from the negativeness that the truth has spanked me. I could feel the sadness and the hurt slowly running my veins but couldn't tear my eye enough. Is this the bravely me still keeping the guts of courage? I’m done. Make or break, and I had just broken it.

Tomorrow, what about tomorrow? What will be in store for me after tomorrow? Will I ever see tomorrow? It hurts. It’s piercing me now, deepening every second.  What am I going to do tomorrow? I am a person who always has the next plan for every situation. However for this, how come I can’t produce one? I can’t move. I can feel my body weakening. Catatonic, I could describe. I am silently grieving, hideous. No one knows what I am currently undertaking. 

YOU know I am by myself; it’s only YOU I can trust. It’s only YOU who knows everything, but why did you abandon me? why you let me fall? I am sorry. I don’t mean to blame. It’s just that I can’t understand why this is happening. Why to ME? Why always ME? All I just want is a better life. I haven’t step on anyone. I apologize for me being a cut throat bitch, ambitious. If chasing a dream is a crime, then why in the first place you allowed me? Have I misread the signs? I hate myself. I hate me being stupid. I did all my best, my very best. All my life I fight for every challenge YOU gave me. I struggle long enough that I come this far. I worked for everything that I want; I never got everything so easily. Why can’t I be fitted to everything? I am a long lost soul who keeps fighting, trying to fit in. Am I destined for nothing?

I fell... on a free fall... into a vast of space far deep. Not knowing if there's a ground beneath. All I can see now is the dimness. All I can feel is loneliness and fear, fear of might not seeing the ground, fear of falling still in the air, floating. Will there be anyone or anything that would save me? That I don't know. All I need now are PRAYERS. Yes, maybe... will you?

©copyrighted by Jelyn Piad(Jhelchemy)2014